Leadership: Before You Open Your Mouth, Ask Yourself This ONE Question

Small Town Wow Leadership Tip: The smartest leaders don't always have the most to say. They know what they want their words to accomplish.

We've all been there. A frustrating employee conversation. A heated community meeting. A customer who pushes every last button. And suddenly, we're talking before our brain has finished thinking.

But here's a leadership trick that could save you a whole lot of headaches:

Before you speak, ask yourself one simple question: "What do I want to accomplish?"

In a recent Inc. article, entrepreneur Tony Manganiello explains the value of outcome-based communication. Instead of letting frustration, emotion, or the need to prove a point drive the conversation, start by identifying the result you're trying to achieve.

Sounds simple, right? Yet it's something even experienced leaders forget.

Are You Trying to Solve a Problem or Win an Argument?

Think about the last difficult conversation you had.

Were you trying to find a solution? Build understanding? Change someone's behavior? Or simply prove you were right?

There's a big difference.

For small business owners and community leaders, this distinction can make or break relationships.

Imagine an employee repeatedly misses deadlines.

The emotional response: "I'm tired of reminding you to get your work done!"

The outcome-focused response: "What's preventing us from meeting these deadlines, and what needs to change?"

Same problem. Two very different conversations.

One creates defensiveness. The other opens the door to accountability and solutions.

And Yes, There's Research Behind This

A Harvard study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who ask more questions, particularly thoughtful follow-up questions, tend to be better liked by their conversation partners.

Why? Asking questions communicates that we're listening, interested, and genuinely trying to understand.

The Center for Creative Leadership also identifies four important skills for effective leadership conversations: listening to understand, asking powerful questions, challenging and supporting others, and establishing next steps and accountability.

And here's another important distinction: Listening doesn't guarantee someone will agree with you. A 2025 study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that high-quality listening reduced defensiveness and improved interpersonal perceptions, but didn't necessarily increase persuasion.

Sometimes the win isn't changing someone's mind. It's keeping the relationship strong enough to continue the conversation.

Small-Town Leaders, This One's Especially Important

In smaller communities, relationships are everything. The person disagreeing with you at tonight's council meeting might be the same person you're working with on a downtown revitalization project tomorrow.

Before responding to criticism, consider what you're trying to accomplish.

• Want cooperation? Start by finding common ground.

• Want accountability? Clearly explain expectations and next steps.

• Want understanding? Ask questions before offering solutions.

• Want to preserve a relationship? Focus on the issue, not the personality.

• Want to make a point? Make sure it's a point that actually moves something forward.

  
  

And remember, not every comment deserves a response. Sometimes restraint is the smartest communication strategy in the room.

Here's Your Challenge This Week

Before your next difficult conversation, email, social media response, or team meeting, take five seconds and ask yourself:

"What do I want the other person to think, understand, feel, or DO after this conversation?"

Then choose your words accordingly.

Because great communication isn't measured by how much you say, how convincing you sound, or whether you get the last word.

It's measured by what your words actually accomplish.

And sometimes, saying less gets you a whole lot further.